The Knights of BoG Monster’s Swamp

The Knoll Endorses Tristan Markle and Blake Fredrick for Board of Governors Student Representatives

There must always be at least two people to battle the windmills, and that is precisely why the AMS has two representatives at the Board of Governors (BoG). What would Don Quixote and Sancho Panza do if they were elected to the BoG?

Sancho Panza enters the BoG meeting, and sits at a table beside Don Quixote. Around them sit a whole array of phantasmagoric creatures. First, there are a few representatives of the Wonderland: The Queen of Hearts (the Chancellor), The King of Hearts (the President), the Cheshire Cat (VP Students, Brian Sullivan), the White Rabbit (VP-Finance) and a few other servants of the kingdom. Across the table from Sancho and Don Quixote sit eleven Ringwraiths, the most fearsome creatures from Lord of the Rings, appointed by Gordon Campbell and known for their greed, viciousness and loyalty to capitalism. There are a few other creatures as well, most notably Pinocchio (Andrew Irvine), representing the faculty.

As the first item on the agenda the Queen of Heart orders the beheading of the Farm, but the King pardons the Farm. Then, there is a presentation about endowment engorgements and new opportunities for further erections, which particularly amuses the Ringwraiths.

As the third item on the agenda, another of the Wonderland creatures, a caterpillar (the Chair of Campus Planning), gives a presentation about her plans to develop a LEED Platinum windmill on campus. According to the caterpillar the windmill is entirely powered with wind, and thus sustainable. Also the windmill might become a tourist attraction and bring some tourist money, which surely pleases the Ringwraiths. The caterpillar also murmurs something about the academic functions of the windmill, and even though the caterpillar’s murmurs are barely audible, Pinocchio enthusiastically nods his head in agreement, but his nose suddenly gets even longer. By this time Don Quixote is clearly irritated. Sancho passes the sword to him.

Don Quixote abruptly rises, unsheathes his sword, rushes towards the presentation screen, and, with several lunges, begins to shred the cloth. The wonderland creatures, the Ringwraiths and most of the other phantasmagoric creatures are outraged and the caterpillar is so mad that she turns into a butterfly. The windmill is still visible on the screen, but the black slash opened by Don Quixote’s sword grows ever larger, implacably devouring the images.

You might think that at this point the Queen of Hearts orders the Ringwraiths to behead Don Quixote. But in fact the phantasmagoric creatures don’t even move, for they themselves know that the creatures of phantasmagoria are impotent. That being said, Don Quixote does not look satisfied either, because after all, his imaginations of battling monsters reveal themselves to be empty and unfulfilled.

Looking at the candidates for the BoG positions, it is not hard to recognize Mike Duncan and Bijan Ahmadian as creatures of phantasmagoria. Mike Duncan, in his ridiculousness, reminds us of Bill the Lizard, the creature in Alice in Wonderland who cleans the White Rabbit’s chimney. On the other hand, Bijan who represented students at the Board of Governors last year, volunteered his time at the King’s office during the summer, but apparently he is still not trusted enough to have an established place in the future of the Wonderland. In our judgment, Bijan oscillates between the lousy Knave of Hearts, suspect for having stolen the Queen’s tart, and a cheap Ringwraith wanna-be.

Blake Fredrick and Tristan Markle, on the other hand both have the potential to battle windmills, and they can support each other as well. We thus endorse them to battle phantasmagoric creatures, although unless one is to become a phantasmagoric creature, fighting impotent creatures will be unfulfilling. If they are elected, they will soon find that there is nothing to love in the BoG Monsters’s Swamp, not even the fight.

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